I came across this young man and his musings on Facebook…give the man a Bells.

‘Rules of Tipping in Mzansi’

Early Nguni migrated south from the Mali area about two thousand years ago due to food shortage and tribal conflict. This was a hardship for those who migrated. These Nguni now form the basis of the various tribes in Southern Africa. If you are Nguni, do not tip anyone from The Republic of Mali until they agree to reparations!

The Zulu’s must commence with Truth & Reconciliation proceedings, to establish criteria for the compensation for all the descendants & victims of families viciously killed by Shaka during the forced massive migration of Mfecane. Until then, do not tip anyone who is part of Shaka’s lineage!

If you happen to be Irish, and served in a restaurant by an American waiter – do not tip them! The Irish railroad workers were treated very harshly, and deserve monetary compensation by the Americans.

The origin of caucasions started with the early hominids that migrated out of Africa, so the DNA mapping shows. So for example, you could say the Dutch could call Africa their ancestral birthplace, since their DNA can be traced to early man in Southern Africa. Since so many African extremists say ‘go back to home’ to Europeans, it can be proposed that Europeans plan a pilgrimage back home to Southern Africa, to reclaim their ancestral heritage.

There were Muslims complicit in the slave-trade, along with other groups that might surprise you if you read history books. This was a catalyst in tearing millions of African lives apart, and creating much misery. Dare I say anyone descended from Muslim ancestry should not be tipped!

If you are Khoi San, you never have to tip anyone ever again. In fact all your meals are free for the next few generations. Since you are descended from the earliest record of homo sapiens in Southern Africa, you truly are the First, and deserve to be thanked by humanity for providing such a great start to the robust human DNA pool.

If you are Chinese, you don’t have to tip either! Asian genomes are found in the KhoiSan, allowing the Chinese to stake their ancestral claim to Southern Africa, many years before the Nguni / sub-saharan Africans started migrating south. 欢迎回家

If you are a woman, you never need to tip a male-owned business again. Woman have been used as sexual objects and free labour for centuries. Time for reparations!

If you are Greek, you are encouraged to tip anyone who aspires to rebuild ‘Azania’. Consider it a gesture for the South African nationalists who have adopted the Greek word ‘Azania’ as their credo, and who embrace the Afro-Asiatic civilization of Azania (see history of western Eurasian backflow).

If you are Azanian (Tanzanian), you should never tip anyone speaking a Bantoid language. The Bantoid speaking people created much distress to the Azanians in their steady migration south, forcefully integrating the Azanians into their family units, creating much displacement and hardship for the Azanians.

Kwasi Wiredu in his book ‘Philosophy and an African Culture’ talks about the importance of African enlightenment. This placed in context with our obligation to educate ourselves and maintain a balanced perspective. There are many South Africans who need to read this book, and who need to better understand the origins, and the history of man.

My tone in this post is satirical, but it is dipped in a coating of truth, somewhat in response to ludicrous philosophies being adopted by some extremist South Africans like the ‘Rhodes must fall person’, like BLF, and many others who don’t take time to educate themselves in the ebbs and flows of humanity, and the commonalities and histories we all share as humans on this earth.

None of us have the right to demand ownership of anything, we can and should ask for help, yes, but demanding ownership is a slippery path indeed. History is a great teacher, if you read it. The African way is through enlightenment, and I emplore my people to choose the enlightenment path.

South Africa – brush up on your tipping criteria, read a book, and let’s go!

Menzi Solomon Shange


[Mr. Shange is an Afrocentric writer, blogger, artist, activist, and business owner who is regarded by his fans as an ardent advocate for the upliftment & enlightenment of millions of poor, disadvantaged and exploited South Africans]